“Boys and Learning” has been our faculty’s topic of study this year. We’ve read articles, engaged in discussions, listened to speakers, and dedicated workshop days to further our learning. I have to admit that thinking about what the world is like from a boy’s perspective, rather than looking at boys through the lens of a female has been an interesting shift.

I’m hoping that many of you were able to hear Dr. Michael Thompson speak at Breck in October I found him both insightful and informative. He is passionate about boys in our society and schools. Dr. Thompson spends a great deal of time helping parents and educators better understand how boys process emotions and what drives their behavior. His wisdom invited me to shift my thinking about boys in our culture.

Two things on my mind lately have to do with the way boys play and the societal messages they receive about feelings. When my son was a young boy, violence wasn’t allowed in our house- he never had a gun because my mantra was, “The only things guns do is kill.” He still managed to make a gun out of his toast pretty regularly (something my daughters never felt the need to do!). If my son were young today, I would reconsider my strident view. My shift in thinking has to do with understanding that the imaginative play of boys and girls is part of who they are. Healthy children can separate reality from imagination and do it all of the time. My son would have been no more likely to shoot a real gun as a seven year old, than I would have been to drive a convertible (in an evening gown) - because that’s what I played with my Barbies. From my female lens, I believed “playing” guns was qualitatively different from “playing” Barbies. I didn’t consider that my brothers and husband played with guns as boys, yet as adults are positive role models. The simple awareness that my mindset was based in my female perspective has given me “food for thought”.

Naming and validating the full range of emotions in boys is equally important to me. Children see and hear messages that are both subtle and overt about which feelings are acceptable for each gender. Often, boys receive the message that they need to be emotionally strong and stoic, while girls are viewed as more fragile. I watched a segment of Dr. Thompson’s PBS documentary "Raising Cain". Thompson noted that Katherine Weinberger, Ph.D., a researcher featured in the documentary, suggests that boys are more vulnerable and less resilient than girls in the first few months of life. He says, "Dr. Weinberger found that a higher proportion of girls could calm themselves when their mother's face displayed a 'stony expression' (as opposed to a warm one) — but that the boys could not. More boys would get easily distressed. They cried more frequently, and were unable to calm themselves. While we somehow expect boys to be 'tough,' this evidence shows them to actually be extremely vulnerable. This proves what we've known for years — that boys feel a full range of emotions — even those considered 'not masculine' like fear, shame, humiliation, and uncertainty. If everyone understood (as research now shows) that boys possess some emotional vulnerabilities that girls do not, would they raise them differently?"

All of this new information is causing me to rethink some long-held beliefs about boys. If you would like to read more about this topic, I think you’d find Dr. Thompson’s book Raising Cain informative. You can also watch segments of his PBS documentary at http://www.pbs.org/opb/raisingcain/.

Bus safety week is coming up in October. I happen to have an insider’s appreciation for being a school bus driver. It was my mother’s career from the time I was twelve until she retired two years ago. I remember stories about connections she’d made with families, the little things children and their parents would say and do that made my mom feel like she had made a difference. And then, there were her other anecdotes . . . kids not listening to her, safety issues such as riders changing seats while the bus was moving, and “write-ups” for misbehavior. Some things don’t change!

Part of my job as a Dean is to intervene when there is a problem on the bus. Sometimes I receive write-ups from a driver and other times children report an issue to Mark Ryks or me. After recent conversations with a third grader and a kindergartener, I started thinking about the double bind our kids and drivers find themselves in on the school bus today. Over the past few years, hand-held devices from PSP-type games to iPods and cell phones have become increasingly present in the lives of our youngest students. Leapster is even getting in the act with something hand-held that is geared for preschoolers. Diligent parents limit the amount of screen time for their youngsters, which is a good thing. Having said that, one of the most common places for screen time is the car. Whether it’s hand-held games or a car with DVD players, kids are often plugged in. Now place those same children on a school bus – without the technology, or the confines of booster seats or a seat belt, and you have the potential for a perfect storm for trouble.

Bored, unrestrained bus riders who look for ways to amuse themselves on the school bus isn’t a new phenomenon. I’m sure we all have childhood stories about bus rides to tell! The difference for this generation is the unintended consequence of those peaceful car rides. We now have a large group of children who haven’t learned to quietly look out the window, converse with their seatmates, or figure out ways to make the time pass safely without electronic entertainment. Your parents didn’t have to teach this – it just happened every time you got in the car. You probably learned that bringing a book to read, drawing, playing the “alphabet game” with road signs and license plates, or even sleeping made the time pass faster and reduced your boredom. I have a solution for our Lower School bus riders, and it doesn’t involve installing video games in the backs of the bus seats! My idea is relatively simple. It involves purposeful practice . . . in your family car. Choose specific car rides as “bus practice” by leaving the electronics at home. Talk with your children about what you are doing and why. Have discussions about what can be done instead of playing video games or watching a DVD. You can build your child’s “bus practice muscle” by gradually increasing the length of time of the rides and withdrawing your verbal support. After a while, you will begin to notice your child decreasing his/her use of electronics for car entertainment and might even hear questions like, “Did you see that eagle in the tree we passed?” from the backseat of your car.

Bus safety is everyone’s business. When I talk with Lower Schoolers about bus behavior, I typically ask what they think the bus driver’s job is. The response I hear usually involves something about controlling the behavior of the kids on the bus. Students are often surprised when I tell them the driver’s job is to drive the bus and get them to school safely, but it’s each child’s job to control their own behavior. Your children will spend time in their classrooms talking about bus safety the week of October 4th. I hope you will join us by practicing in your car. Helping your children understand their personal responsibility on the bus is one way you can show appreciation for the amazing job our bus drivers do each and every day.